Before I begin this story, I would like to say this: No matter how your baby came earth side, you. gave. birth. I am so deeply thankful for modern medicine and its ability to prevent and treat complications. In sharing my own experience, I never want to minimize yours. You are strong. You are resilient. You are a great mother. Do not let anything take that truth away from you. _{❤️ Amber}

*** There is a photo of my placenta towards the end of this post, it is in black and white so not blood is visible but just a warning***

6 A.M. on Easter Sunday, I woke up with an urgency that only a very pregnant woman knows. I had to pee SO BAD which wasn’t an unusual occurrence. When you’re large and in charge at this point, getting out of bed is a whole mission. I typically would hike my leg up and kick out to get the momentum needed to get up. This time when I did that, I was pretty sure I peed myself. I ran (waddled) to the bathroom, went, and it just would not stop…. lol. After a considerable amount of time, I realized that was probably my water. I was still a little in denial about it. I did an inversion on my bed to be sure that’s what it was and sure enough – my long day planned with my family was rearranged just like that.

I had started my maternity leave at my 36th week so luckily, I was pretty much prepared for the baby the get here. I just wasn’t expecting him to be here at 38 weeks considering this was my first pregnancy. The nesting instincts were in FULL swing and looking back on it… I’m pretty sure I accidentally worked this baby out. The things that you think are important while you’re in your final weeks? Completely out of pocket. You guys, I decided I had to paint and redo my ENTIRE living room because I wanted to baby to have a cozy living room to come home to… girl WHAT. So yeah, the day before I went into labor, I was painting my entire living room. Truthfully, I’m glad I did because had I not, I probably would have had a mental breakdown over it.

This was after – I just thought the baby needed something brighter. I still stand on that 😂

My mom had been saying for months that I would go into labor on Easter. So when I called her that morning, she already knew. I actually felt bad about it because she is the worship leader at our church and it’s Easter… like I had any sort of control over this, lol.

7:15 A.M.

I had been seeing midwifes and a doula for my entire pregnancy so the plan had always been to go unmedicated with zero interventions, so long as God allowed. I had spent the last 8 or so months mentally preparing myself and my husband for a long, slow labor, especially since this was our first. An hour into active labor, things were already feeling intense. I decided to get in the shower to see if the heat would relieve any of the pain, but my contractions were already so close together, I was barely getting any break. I had a bloody show already so I had my husband call my midwife to let them know, of course they told me to get comfy and relax as much as possible since we are only about an hour into active labor.

All I could think about was doing my hair and makeup because I had a photographer coming and they were not about to catch me busted. I couldn’t even get through my makeup because my contractions were so intense at that point, all I wanted to do was lay over my yoga ball.

8 A.M.

My sweet husband was such an amazing support the entire duration of my labor (and always). I have a complicated genetic disorder (MCADD for anyone interested) and it is very important that I eat a nutritious meal anytime I am excessively exerting myself. My aunt had also showed up at this point to grab my dog, she brought a smoothie for me per my request – but my contractions were getting SO intense, I couldn’t even eat. I could hardly talk at this point. My doula, God love her, did not believe I was anywhere close to needing to go to the hospital. At this point, we were all kind of wondering if unmedicated was a possibility. I had no real idea what labor was supposed to feel like. I started to wonder if I was even cut out for it. I was only two and half to three hours into labor, the likelihood of me being 5+ centimeters was probably slim right?

9:30

My parents arrived to my house and it was evident that I truly was getting to a point where I needed more support. Still, my doula would not come to my house. In that moment, I decided I was going to listen to my body and no one else. So, we left for the hospital. We arrived around 10:30. Let me tell you… riding in a car for over 30 minutes in active, intense labor…. horrid. Absolutely horrid. Once we reached the L&D unit, I just cried. Not from pain but just the relief of safety and support. The midwife checked me and when she said I 6 and a half centimeters, I sobbed. SOBBED. Not from the number, but I finally felt seen. Heard. Validated. I wasn’t crazy. I wasn’t weak. I was doing it. The midwife even said “I’m extremely glad that you listed to your body instead of me.” Her name was Pattie. I loved her and I will never forget her. ❤️

1:00

Transition was finally here. My comfort zone? Bath tub all the way. My doula finally arrived and set the room up how I imagined it in my birth plan: low lighting, very specific essential oil (here),peaceful atmosphere with worship music. Having these specifics really helps get you into the right mental space and zone to flow through your contractions. I wanted to share photos from this moment but… they are straight up wide open. These days with AI, you never know what people are capable of even if you blur out all the sensitive areas so those will stay in the family album 😂

I wanted my tub with hot water but I kept ice cold rags around my neck and on my shoulder. We literally had a bucket of ice water beside the bath and my husband would rotate the wash rags like every five minutes. The opposite sensations really help distract your mind from the intense contractions. As cliche as this sounds, breathing truly made all the difference. You have to be able to stay relaxed, breath deep, and let the contractions fall over you like a wave. You must surrender your body to the contractions and the process – every contraction brings you closer to meeting your baby. Keeping that truth in mind made the pain bearable.

You must surrender to the process, not resist it.

From this point forward, I can’t really give you timestamps. Once you’re dilated to 9 and beyond – you are locked in and nothing around you matters. In the hospital that I was at, you are not allowed to give birth in the tub. They had me get out because I could tell we were getting pretty close. My midwife wanted to put me in a position to get me over the final hump and all the way dilated. I’m going to explain it you because in this moment, I hated her (not really, but kinda). I laid on my side, bottom leg bent at the knee, top leg swung over. She put pressure on my hip to open my pelvis more – this was the worst part of my labor, no joke. She made me stay in this position for three contractions on both sides. And yes, it worked – but I wasn’t happy about it.

By this point, I was having the urge to push. I initially thought I wanted to give birth on my knees, but I ended up not liking this position as much as I had thought.

I flipped around to lay on my back because I wanted to be able to see so they brought me a mirror. Insert real & raw – it is extremely humbling for multiple people (like six) to be starting directly into your vagina while you are being wiped by your midwife. 🙃🙃 I understand this is supposed to happen because it means you are pushing correctly – that does not make it any better, lol.

Being on my back was also not working. I had been pushing for two hours at this point, my body was exhausted and it was starting to get down to the wire. My midwife mentioned that it may be time to bring in the OB team. If I could not push this baby through, forceps or vacuum was the next option. This was NOT an option for me. My mom mentioned that when my midwife said this, fear fell over my face. I’m unsure why that was – I think I was worried about increased pain from these interventions. I asked if I could change positions one more time to see if gravity would be on my side.

So, I got out of bed with a whole baby in my birth canal, sat on a birthing stool with my husband behind me for additional support. Literally, it only took like two pushes and I finally got his head through. It was such a relief, I couldn’t believe how close we were to meeting our baby.

5:01 P.M.

One more push and he was out. Pure relief. Pure joy. Pure everything. I’m so glad I listed to my body once again.

It’s actually insane how once that baby is out, it is immediate relief. You are on such a high once you meet your baby, you forget EVERYTHING. I remember thinking, “wow, I could do that a million times.” (As I sit here just as anxious about this next birth like I’ve never done it before).

I truthfully have no memory of delivering my placenta – just the thought of “dang, that thing is huge..” I did end up bleeding a little more than they were comfortable with so they administered a little bit of Pitocin – other than that it was absolutely perfect.

I felt so covered, so favored by God. after this entire experience. There wasn’t a single moment that I wished something would have gone differently. I think I stared at this new human that was MINE for hours. Just stared. I couldn’t believe that just like that, I had gone from protecting him on the inside… to now protecting him on the outside.

My birth vlog: